Is God really there?

This thought comes to all of us at one time or another. We wonder if there is a higher being watching out for us. For me that Being is my Heavenly Father. I know He is there and let me tell you why.

Parenthood sucks. To be a good parent means that you have to give up a lot for your children with no thanks.

"Dad can I use the Xbox now?" "Geez Dad when will you get off the TV." Can we go skiing?"

Note I love gaming, tv especially during football season and hate skiing or cold (see last blog) yet with the exception of the skiing I tend to let my children play on the computer or TV. It also means a lack of sleep while holding a sick child while he vomits all over you or cries inconsolably at 2:30 am.

To get back to the point I've come to understand my Father during my newest son's (10 weeks)past few nights. See we are trying to get him to fall asleep on his own. He'll crash if we hold him but that could be awkward at 16 so we want him to learn to self-soothe in the crib. He won't take a paci and he doesn't like it. We know its a learned behavior cuz you put him in the car seat out he goes, without even driving him around. The bugger knows you sleep in the seat. If we could only get him to do it in the crib.

The problem is his mother. He knows she's wrapped around his little finger and it breaks her heart to hear him cry. So when it comes time for him to sleep at night he'll howl for 30 minutes, screaming until he is purple; he knows she'll break. The whole while she leans over his crib singing, shhing and crying but not picking him up. One can almost see the boy's thoughts, "LIFE IS UNFAIR! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? NO ONE LOVES ME!" And yet his mother is there sobbing tears of sorrow while he is crying knowing that the pain is temporary and it is whats best for him.

I hold my wife night after night knowing that her heart is breaking and adding to her whispers,"Daddy's here, Daddy loves you, Daddy won't let anyone hurt you." until he falls asleep. I then hold my wife and she cries herself to sleep and while I lie there in the dark I feel arms wrap around me and I hear:

"Daddy's here, Daddy loves you, Daddy won't let anyone hurt you. This is necessary but afterwards you'll be a better person My son."

I know God lives and He is the perfect parent. I know He wants all of us to be parents so that we understand His love. I also know I have a Heavenly Mother who loves me but Her heart is breaking as she watches me grow into the being I can become. Even when it hurts and I feel alone I know They are there loving me and telling me I can do it.

Thank you God for my children. I think I am beginning to understand now...